I've very mixed feelings about fall. Of course, it's been especially strange this year, because first we had indian summer, then snow just before halloween, and now it's been well into the fifties and sixties for days, but with the change from daylight saving time back to standard time, the fact that it's fall is really setting in for me. It gets dark so very early. I struggle with this, because sunlight is very empowering for me and a huge mood booster. Some days it's hard to do anything at all, just because it's so damn dark and dreary.
At the same time, however, there are parts of fall I absolutely love. The quintessential fall day where it's 45 and blindingly sunny with crunching leaves underfoot. Mulled cider and other fall treats. Halloween and Thanksgiving. There was even a time when going back to school was quite possibly the most exciting part of the year, except for maybe my birthday, which is also in September.
These past few weeks have been major knitting times for me. I find knitting to be a really excellent fall and winter activity, though I love it all year round. This year I'm working on Christmas presents all ready, with two hats finished for each of the girls, and about a third of one arm for a sweater for Patches done.
Getting work done has been difficult. I've done very little in the last few days other than knit while watching TV, and sometimes it feels really good, but at the end of the day, it always feels like I've wasted myself and my time.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
My Dream
I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing with this blog, but I feel like I need a place to keep a journal that is slightly more public than just my documents folder... Not sure why I feel that, but I figure I'll give it a try. The title comes from a song in Once, that rings true with me because it speaks to the effect little cracks can have on a life. The lyric goes: "little cracks they escalated/ before we knew it was too late," and resonates with me because sometimes I feel like I spend my time trying desperately to keep the little cracks in my life from escalating.
Anyways, now that we've got the depressing story behind the name of my blog-thing out of the way, I'm going to write down my dream for my life, because I want a record of it somewhere. This is my ideal version of life, one towards which I'm hoping to work, even if I can only actualize it in part.
When I'm grown, I dream of living on a small working farm. Not that I'd like to be completely self-sustaining, because I also feel drawn to work on things other than sustaining my family, but this is what it looks like. Patches and I and our children live in an old farmhouse on a big plot of land in the southern tier of New York, relatively close to Rochester so I can still see my family. We have a nicely-sized family, somewhere between two and four children of our own. On our farm, we'll have a big garden full of beautiful heirloom vegetables, along with an orchard with apple trees and pear trees and peach trees, and a berry patch. We'll have chickens for eggs and meat, along with a cow for milk, maybe some pigs for garbage disposal and meat, and some sheep for lawn-mowing and wool. In addition, we'll have dogs and cats as both working animals and pets!
We'll live our life on the farm, opening a small school in an outbuilding, where we teach children a semi-standard curriculum while working in work on the farm and sustainability education, as well as stewardship for this earth we've been given. We'll try to live with as little impact on our land as possible, and we'll be part of a close-knit community of people who care about the world and each other as much as we do. We'll be close enough to a city to not miss out on the cultural opportunities present even in a relatively small city like Rochester, but we'll be able to see stars at night whenever it's not cloudy.
We'll live together forever, laboring in love for ourselves, our family, and our land. I'm not sure how we'll get there from here, but I feel drawn towards this life. I want to make my own small impact on the world around me in any way I can. I feel so disconnected from the world right now.
Anyways, now that we've got the depressing story behind the name of my blog-thing out of the way, I'm going to write down my dream for my life, because I want a record of it somewhere. This is my ideal version of life, one towards which I'm hoping to work, even if I can only actualize it in part.
When I'm grown, I dream of living on a small working farm. Not that I'd like to be completely self-sustaining, because I also feel drawn to work on things other than sustaining my family, but this is what it looks like. Patches and I and our children live in an old farmhouse on a big plot of land in the southern tier of New York, relatively close to Rochester so I can still see my family. We have a nicely-sized family, somewhere between two and four children of our own. On our farm, we'll have a big garden full of beautiful heirloom vegetables, along with an orchard with apple trees and pear trees and peach trees, and a berry patch. We'll have chickens for eggs and meat, along with a cow for milk, maybe some pigs for garbage disposal and meat, and some sheep for lawn-mowing and wool. In addition, we'll have dogs and cats as both working animals and pets!
We'll live our life on the farm, opening a small school in an outbuilding, where we teach children a semi-standard curriculum while working in work on the farm and sustainability education, as well as stewardship for this earth we've been given. We'll try to live with as little impact on our land as possible, and we'll be part of a close-knit community of people who care about the world and each other as much as we do. We'll be close enough to a city to not miss out on the cultural opportunities present even in a relatively small city like Rochester, but we'll be able to see stars at night whenever it's not cloudy.
We'll live together forever, laboring in love for ourselves, our family, and our land. I'm not sure how we'll get there from here, but I feel drawn towards this life. I want to make my own small impact on the world around me in any way I can. I feel so disconnected from the world right now.
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